|
| My Child For A Moment
- Nine months of anticipation and preparation.
- Eagerly awaited our hearts were filled with love.
- Our minds filled with plans.
- Our thoughts filled with dreams of who you would become,
- a handsome son,
- sturdy and stalwart,
- like father and grandfather,
- a beautiful daughter,
- a little princess,
- in her dainty dress,
- like mother and grandmother.
- Some fears and trepidations.
- Were we up to the task?
- Would we be good parents?
- Would we be able to teach you
- all you needed to know to face life
- to be all that you could be.
- to be all that you could be.
- At last the day arrives,
- the day of your birth,
- a long and exhausting day,
- culminating in the joy of holding you in my arms.
- What a delight,
- you were so beautiful
- such tiny fingers and toes
- you captured our hearts
- we loved you so much.
- Sadness came then to overshadow our joy.
- You were ill, no one seemed to be sure why
- what the problem was.
- Fear crept in with the long nights of watching over you.
- Tears fell with the pain and heartache,
- the frustration,
- the helplessness,
- not knowing what to do
- how to help you.
- The sadness of your illness turned to a numbness,
- a limbo of shock
- as after eight months you died and left us.
- How could this happen?
- How could this be?
- Why? Dear God, why?
- And anger anger that no one could find the cause.
- Anger did we do something wrong?
- Anger at a world where this could happen.
- Anger at God that this did happen.
- The emotional pain was excruciating.
- The emptiness in our hearts.
- The quietness in our apartment.
- No more long days and nights of caring for you.
- Our hearts broke as we laid you in the ground.
- You were with us, our child, for only a moment.
- and now you are gone.
- The spark of life within you has returned to God.
- Many spoke words of comfort.
- "It was a blessing after all since you would
- not have been healthy normal."
- Some said it was God's will.
- How can that be if God is a loving God?
- The words of comfort were empty to me.
- They did not explain to me why.
- The days and weeks that followed were painful and empty.
- At first I could not speak of you without shaking,
- my heart breaking anew.
- Over the years the pain eased only to return each time
- I saw another child who was the age you would be
- and I thought of you that you would be doing,
- these same things if you were still with us.
- Then, at last, another child strong healthy,
- a brother for you.
- And then in time a little sister,
- but they could never replace you
- you still lived in my heart.
- I know now that you had a major purpose in coming
- into my life for such a short period of time.
- You see, my son, you were a catalyst,
- you precipitated a change in my life
- you set me on a path in search of why
- in search of the truth of God's love.
- My early comfort was when I came to understand
- that the spark of life within you had returned to God.
- My search took me many places,
- up many paths of religions,
- through many doors of belief systems.
- Gradually over time I came to understand
- that God is indeed a loving God and
- does not cause bad things to happen to us,
- but he may allow them, even when we pray
- to be spared them, so that we can learn a lesson.
- For all here, in this world is a lesson and
- the most precious lesson of all
- is for the purpose of learning unconditional Love
- in order that we may express it.
- God permits our experiences so that we may know of his love
- not by what we have been told, but through a
- heart understanding gained through our experiences.
- As I moved on in my search upon my path,
- I came to be convinced and know
- in the depths of my heart that one day
- I would have you again to raise and love
- in what many call the resurrection."
- Time has moved on and in my continuing search for truth
- and God's Love, my beliefs have changed and evolved.
- I have experienced God's Love in many aspects of my life
- as I have learned to trust in his guidance.
- One changed belief has been that in order to learn
- our many lessons we humans are able to incarnate
- on this earth through many lifetimes.
- A loving God's provision to give us many chances
- to get it right, instead of just one chance.
- And through an experienced return to a prior life
- I found, my child, you have been with me before
- only this time it was I who died and left you.
- You grew then to be angry and lonely
- and so because of that experienced lifetime
- you chose this time not to stay with me
- for fear I would leave you again.
- And Now in my heart I know that you have once again
- returned to me my child for a moment.
- Yes, I knew in my heart the day you were born in October
- that you were returning to my life
- this time in a safer way for you
- as my grandson.
- I knew in my heart this truth and have carried it safely there.
- Confirmed by an Angel's words,
- "Yes, the energy of Bobby resides within Dustin"
- And this tells me a great truth of God's wisdom.
- His plan of allowing us many lives
- in which to perfect our love.
- And, the truth of God's Love for his earthly creation
- in that we may know each other in many ways
- and in many lives express ourselves and our Love.
© Edwina K. Brady, 1994
|
|
